i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
