Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
