That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
