All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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