This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
