how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You took a bar mat shot.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
