Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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