Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
