Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
