That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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