sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
