Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
