So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
