She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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