I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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