The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
