I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
