How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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