just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
