the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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