did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
