You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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