Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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