you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
