you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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