My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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