Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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