she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
