I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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