you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
