I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
