I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
