shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
