yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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