So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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