he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Do vagina's smell?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize