My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
