I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
