yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
