Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
why do cheetos always look like penises
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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