it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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