me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
