We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
only you would photoshop your dick
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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