Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
