Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You may now shotgun with the bride
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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