I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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