just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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