I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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