i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
