that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
