i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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