Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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