hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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