Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
