I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
