I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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