What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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