When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
