census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
