I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
