I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it's like heaven, but drunker
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
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