Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
