Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
