we have officially lost it.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
