Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
