I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
