I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
