Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
