Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
