i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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