My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize