i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
