I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
