I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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