Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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