She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
