i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
