My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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