Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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